The most memorable part of Shabbos

She told me that her grandmother hates her because she’s Jewish.

Her father isn’t Jewish, but her mother is. When she was little her grandmother still had something to do with her but that was because she didn’t “look Jewish”. But now that she older . . .

And as amazing as that is, it’s probably not the most memorable part of Shabbos.

There were two boys that had their first Aliya to the Torah. Two “bar mitzvah’s” if you will. We sang Siman Tov Umazel Tov and we lifted them on chairs. Two boys who will always remember that time they had an unplanned Bar Mitzvah at a Shabbaton with American teens.

And as amazing as that is, it’s probably not the most memorable part of Shabbos.

Friday night I prompted the kids to approach the Rebbe or Morah of their choice for brachos before we started the main part of the meal. The boys naturally lined up with me and some of the other male teachers and the girls lined up with my female colleagues, who had never before done this. They had never put their hands on the child’s head and given them a personal blessing and prayer before. The experience was no doubt important for the children, as it always is. But this time my colleagues shared with me how important it was to them. Their emotions are not mine to share, but I know it may have changed their lives just a bit.

And as amazing as that was, it was not the most memorable part of Shabbos.

The most memorable part of Shabbos for me was something that was hiding in plain sight. Before Shabbat I tasked two of my students to lead a game for all of us after break Shabbos afternoon. At the appointed time all of the students gathered and put their chairs in a circle as their peers explained the game. And then the kids kibitzed and carried on like old friends. No language barrier, no cultural differences, no religious differences, no economic differences, just old friends playing together. Of course these old friends met on Tuesday morning (5 days ago.) To me, this is the most memorable part of Shabbos; just seeing the kids together.

I’m here to help kids connect to Judaism. I am critically aware that there is only so much that can be done in my “official” capacity. I’m an old rabbi so the kids are right to not see me as a role model. But their peers who are in so many ways just like they are – but proudly Jewish, comfortable at a Shabbos table, knowledgeable in a shul – those are their role models. My job here is often to set the context within which those connections can happen. Then the teens and the Shabbos itself works its magic.

At the end of Shabbos we had the kids in a circle for “Slow Shira.” The mood was delicate and spiritual. A colleague of mine told a story about how valuable each and every student here is to the Jewish people and we were riveted to every word. We sang a bit more and I got up to share a “True Story that Didn’t Actually Happen” which I hoped would touch the kids with a meaning that would challenge them to take this Shabbos forward. But as fate would have it, as I walked about the circle telling my story as best I could there was a stink bug crawling slowly across the floor. The kids were riveted by the bug because apparently I was dancing all around it, almost crushing it a number of times. Eventually, they brought it to my attention and someone scooped up the bug and let it go. But it pointed out once again how what adults are experiencing and what kids are experiencing are not the same.

I can’t say what the most memorable part of this Shabbos was for the kids. Maybe it was the Bar Mitzvah or the Bracha or the singing or the stories. Maybe it was a chance to feel Judaism is something that could connect them to people that they love not something that drives them apart from others. Maybe it was just becoming old friends.

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